My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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