I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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