The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
