Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
