Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
