Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize