***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
