Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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