making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
