So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
