his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
