Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
