dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize