Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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