Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
