wakey wakey hands off snakey
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
