Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
