Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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