Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
