Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
