yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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