i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
