I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
