And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
