I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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