At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize