I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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