honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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