Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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