And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize