I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
