I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
