Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
