I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize