There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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