dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
