Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
