She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
