yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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