omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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