just tell him i said nine months
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
