My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize