I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
