don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
