My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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