im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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