I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
