respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
