I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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