Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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