my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
