Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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