Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
