Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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