just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
