im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
