A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
