I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
NoShamevember. You game?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
