"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize