I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
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