Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
