Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
