you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
