he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
