Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So much rum. So many feels.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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