I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
