YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
