i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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