he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Green mimosas i think yes
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
