My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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