What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
