My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
