i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize