My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
