if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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