you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
