the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
